These are some of the faces of my Junior High School tormentors. Many of them bullied me as early as the 6th grade and continued to bully me through high school. My only reprieve came after my family moved away from Maryland and away from the bullies.
Sadly, most of these kids probably have no memory of me or their hateful behavior, yet I have suffered a lifetime of insecurity, fear, anger, worry and confusion as a result. As I look at their faces, I can see and hear them verbally attacking me, calling me a fag, laughing at me, mocking me. . . all in the name of their own selfish ego.
Tim Kuchta was one of the worst offenders, often times, turning violent. I was hit, pushed, knocked down and even spit on. Usually the confrontations would occur in front of others, designed to humiliate and degrade me. Rarely did any of the spectators come to my defense. . . they just watched and sometimes joined in, while others simply walked away.
I would have done anything to avoid them. . . unfortunately, there was never an escape.
Steve and I went to the same high school and I can attest to these people being bullies! I went to my 25th high school reunion because I was curious to see how things turned out for some of these folks. It was like nothing has changed!! Those of us who werent in the “IN” crowd were cast aside like we didnt matter. I wont waste my time going to another reunion, that is for sure! I’d like to think there is a special place in hell for these people–where they are bullied for eternity!
I have often wondered how many of these bullies changed as they grew older. . . apparently, not many. Perhaps we are the lucky ones Ann, because throughout my life I have gone to great lengths NOT to be anything like those people and it definitely paid off. . . My life has been filled with wonderful, loving, creative, sensitive and devoted friends. I have always felt loved in my life and that’s worth more than anything I can think of.
Since you have their full names, look them up on Facebook and once you do find them, whether they remember you or not, send them a message saying that you were tormented by them. You’d be surprised that they probably remember you and are sorry for what they’ve done. Have faith. People can change for the better. What have you got to lose? Only if they don’t change at all or change for the worst.
Once on facebook, I did come across a girl from high school who took part in the name calling towards me. I friended her and we communicated back and forth for awhile before I finally confronted her about the things she had said to me. She denied everything, but apologized anyway…just in case. I didn’t believe she was sincere at all. As it turned out. . . she was screwed up due to a lifetime of drug use and bad choices. Also, through her facebook profile, I was able to read about some of the other kids who had bullied me and they ended up on the same road as her. . . middle-aged, depressed and unhealthy from years of using drugs.
Oh that is awful, I never heard of kids doing that in high school, when I went to high school, there were a lot of kids here in Quebec, with several different schools, there was a bit of pot smoking, a bit of self harming, and that was the limit that I saw, the teachers did nothing about it, when I did self harming my mother took me out of the school into another school, where Idid better, I never saw any outright bullying or violence, one girl did have harm done to her at home, by her father, and showed me her welt, now knowing what to do, never having had any of that at home, I said nothing. Now, I would go to the school nurse and report it and ask the girl be given help, but that is not something kids are normally taught to look out for and report. I do see more severe bullying being reported on the news and in the newspapers here in Montreal, I don’t know how it is now, high school is a hard time for sure.
You were lucky to have not experienced bullying in your school, Jackie. Yes, high school is a hard time and I’m glad I don’t ever have to go there again!
Well…that is a sad reflection of real life…I hope you will be able to move on from them now Steven…
Yes, a sad reflection that is ultimately unnecessary. If our public school system would find a way to prevent bullying, or at least make it a punishable offense with realistic consequences, some of the abuse would be adverted.
Moving on has been an ongoing process, Kristine.
I am applauding your courage. For the middle school boy and the beautiful man you are despite the abuse you suffered. You rise above it. Calling these people out…well I’m smiling ear to ear. It should be posted EVERYWHERE. Amends made or shame upon them. Until bullies are called to the carpet, pay consequences and then are educated in an attempt to break through their prejudice and ignorance this abuse will be allowed to continue. YAY Steven! You are speaking for all people and children being bullied to this day. I stand with you.
Thank you for visiting this blog, Elizabeth. Bullying is painful and I have been working through my experience a little at a time. Through my twenties and thirties I wasn’t as affected by it as I am now. Perhaps, at this point in my life, I am starting to see how emotionally damaging it has been all along. I have so many social fears and anxieties that continue to hold me back from living fully. . . I am just tired of feeling them now and this blog might help me release some of the pain. For me and for others.
Wow. Taking back your power here? I wonder if when one of their kids googles them and finds this, how they will explain it. Will they, having grown, be ashamed? Use it to teach them why bullying is wrong? Or maybe they are still jerks, will they just laugh? Will any take this as an opportunity to apologize? Lots of thoughts running through my head. The mom in me wants to heal you.
Google won’t be able to read their names because it’s an image. However, I’d like to know how they feel about their past behavior now. My guess, is none of them even remember and if they did they probably would justify it by considering it all part of the natural order of youth. I hear that excuse so often. . . “Kids will be kids“. . . “It’s a phase, they grow out of it.“. . . “Get over it, they were just kids at the time” etc.
Sadly, society has decided that bullying at young ages is nothing more than natural human behavior and should not be taken seriously. Until laws are created and the school system enforces a NO BULLYING policy, the cycle will continue. . .